SURPRISE!!
Okay, so now that I have your attention, would you like to hear a funny story?
So sometime in October I was doing my nightly ritual of washing baby bottles by hand when it hit me, baby Will would only be using bottles for another month and a half. Strangely enough this thought made me so happy, almost giddy. I could see a light at the end of the tired mommy tunnel. Already I had rid our apartment of small baby items. Next I would celebrate a walking baby, then the all incredible thought of no more diapers!! (A leap, but the thought of diaper less children keeps me hanging on some days.)
You see, Will is no. 4, our last baby. The doctor and I felt very sure and secure about that. Even with everyone around us having new babies and being pregnant. Four was our magic number. Four was enough to keep us busy and penniless, proud and humble.
We Were Done!
Or so we thought...
Two days after my bottle epiphany Jake was out of school, and although a bit nippy outside it was dry. So off to the zoo we went. I had to pick something up at the distribution center anyhow (two birds, one stone type of scenario). The zoo was nearly empty and I remember just letting the kids run free from place to place, not worrying about losing anyone. After a couple of hours we got back into the car, and within five minutes I had four zonked children snoozing away. (That should have tipped me off...something was about to happen. Because really, four kids quietly sleeping in the car doesn't happen much. I was being set up.)
On the way back from the temple distribution center the radio was off, and I was just thinking about what a nice day it had been, and what we would do when we made it home. But in all that regular, everyday thinking a thunderbolt hit. "You need to have another child".
It didn't come as a voice, but a definitive conversation in my mind. Without skipping a beat my response was, "I'm supposed to have another baby?!?! What?!?". To which the answer came strong and clear, "Yes!" The next thing I remember was being filled with a feeling of warmth, starting at the top of my head, running down to my toes. I'm grateful all the kids were still asleep because at that point I started to sob. Partly because the love I felt from my Heavenly Father was so real and tangible, I knew that He knew I would do what he asked. But partly because I was done with babies. My dream of no more bottles and no more diapers had, in the moment of a minute, melted away. Selfish, now that I'm reminiscing.
It was a mess, people! Driving down the interstate at 60 mph, uncontrollably crying, hands shaking. Not typically the response we want to give when called upon to do something. Now the trick would be trying to convince the doctor I wasn't crazy and that I most definitely was not baby hungry. It took a couple of weeks, by which time I already was off my bc. I knew he'd eventually come around.
We found out we were pregnant 4 weeks in, since I had to have x-rays taken on my foot and wrist. They made me take a test...boo hoo! So keeping the secret for this long hasn't been easy. I've just avoided talking to people. The kids didn't know for a while, and the day Jake overheard the doctor and I talk about it he outed us to the neighbors. I did want to make this a fun surprise for family and friends. I must admit being positive, and letting go of my own expectations for life has been hard. More and more I am grateful that we can welcome a new child into our family. Even if it means more diapers, bottles, spit up, and sleepless nights. (And yes, this is the last one! The Big Guy Upstairs and I had a long conversation about that!)
And did I mention...
It's a Girl!!!
